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A Big, Big Mistake (Thursday, November 20, 2008)

Yesterday, I was crying while talking with mom. I felt pity for her because she's in Chicago. Her family is here in the philippines. Imagine how far we are to her. She can't see us grow. We miss her lessons, her dishes and everything she usually does at home. I miss making coffee for her. I miss everything. Then she just called last night, as always, saying that she has no more chocolate drink. She needs to drink a hot cup of chocolate or else her tummy will feel bad then she'd vomit and get dizzy. Her work will be affected and most especially, her health. And since I'm so emotional when it gets to my Mom, I cried. Well, not exactly crying with sniffs but a few drops of tears fell.

Another reason is, I feel like I'm stuck in between Dad and Mom. Mom told me that my Grandma, cousin, and uncle will be staying with us soon. Of course, expenses will increase. It's not like Mom does not want Grandma and the rest with us but she haven't saved any penny for us for our college fees and everything. While on Dad's side, he misunderstood or like he felt bad hearing this. He feels like Mom is complaining and that she's thinking about expenses yet she keeps on helping her sister who did not even help us in any way. Mom's say on this is, her sister sent mom to school, fed her, and cloth her. Meaning Mom owes her sister something. She feels like she needs to pay back. And since Mom is gaining income already, she keeps on sending her sister money for almost every week. If Dad would calculate this, 2,000 php for 5 weeks in a month, that would be 10,000 php all in all which could be a great help in paying our debts to Dad's friend. Dad's verdict is, since his friend placed us first, we should place his friend first too. But if Mom would calculate, her sister is gaining just 10% of her income and the rest is for us already.

You see. Dad is partly correct but so is Mom. But today, I found out something. Mom sent money to her sister and re-scheduled my brother's chemotheraphy and immunizatin which is scheduled today. Now that is wrong.

I both love them. I can't pick sides. I can't say who deserves what. But you know, as I type in words in my mind, something popped in. Jesus died for everybody, both bad and good. Jesus helped everybody without conditions and without complaining. Shouldn't my parents be doing this ? If my Mom's sister treated my Dad like a dog, shouldn't Dad forget about this just like how God forgave those who treated him like a dog ? It maybe hard to forget but shouldn't we not plant angers in our hearts ? Shouldn't we forgive ? If Jesus can, can't we ?

On the contrary, shouldn't Mom be putting her children who are her happines and joy first ?

I'm bound to keep secrets told to me by others, but what Mom told me, which was a secret, was a secret I can't help but question Dad. I secret I just blurted out today. And as expected, Dad felt really bad on me. He told me stuff like, I'm still young yet I'm already telling him that when he grows old, he can't live with me and that someday, when I will welcome Mom or Dad in my own family, what I asked him would be the same thing that my kids will ask me. The question, "How about the expenses?".

Wish God is reading my mind. Wish God will make things easier for me. Wish that God would prevent Dad from changing his mind that he'll let Grandma stay with us. We learn from small and big mistakes but sometimes, though you learned something, you'd wish that events like this happened because big damages and wounds we're made and can't be retrieved nor be cured anymore.